Review: Stonehenge Apocalypse

This disaster movie has a low budget and cheap special effects but that does not excuse the terrible script. It has a the feel of a cheap hastily filmed SyFy film and I can see why it only cost me £2 at the local supermarket

Stonehenge kills a bunch of tourists by zapping them with some sort of magic energy beam. It is doing this because it is really a part of a giant terra-forming machine left by the ancient astronauts and every ten hours it activates an ancient pyramid which then explodes and destroys the region it is in. This is the insane theory of this film’s misunderstood rebel scientist Jacob (Misha Collins who played Castiel in Supernatural)) so unfortunately it is true in the film. Of course the scientists and the military gathered at a primary school near Stonehenge don’t listen to Jacob. Dr ‘Stick up his arse’ Trousdale (Peter Wingfield) rejects his insane ravings out of hand because Jacob claimed NASA are covering up finding aliens on the moon. Jacob acts offended at this snub and points out it was an alien robot head that he claims that NASA found. He does this every time someone mentions it so it becomes an incredibly dumb catchphrase “It was a robot head.”

The scientists examine the stones with their equipment and detect a signal being transmitted between the stones that seems to counting down to some event. Jacob tells them that the event is the end of life on Earth. They start to take this seriously because he has a map of ley lines and when the first pyramid explodes that pyramid is on his map with a line drawn between it and Hull (?) (forget stuff about how his map is a projection and those straight lines are not straight on a globe. Some idiot actually claims it is strange that the two points can be joined by a straight line but this fact is always true. The farce is strong in this film). Trousdale and his team try interrupting the signal but the stones compensate and the attempt has to be abandoned. Next the try blowing the stones up but the stones just absorb the energy.

Their only real hope is to get an ancient artefact which is really a control mechanism to switch the machine off. Trousdale doesn’t believe Jacob about the artefact and convinces an American General Forshaw that they should hit Stonehenge with a nuclear bomb before the countdown ends but a female scientist Kaycee (Torri Higginson) believes Jacobs and she gets a British Major Peatman to help get them to the United States where the artefact is. Unfortunately another scientist Joseph Lesham (Hill Harper) is after the artefact too so he can create a sanctuary for him and his crazy religious cult inside the lost pyramid of Maine where they can watch the apocalypse.

This film is very dumb so I suppose you could just enjoy the dumb story, but the acting isn’t very good either and every character just a shallow stereotype with stupid unrealistic dialogue. The CGI effects were bottom of the range stuff and the CGI Stonehenge in particular was not very convincing. The disasters across the globe were very poor with a CGI animation of the pyramids moving then exploding followed by stock footage taken of real disasters. There no sense of real global crisis created at all. This film is just not recommended.

Rating 4/10