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Review: Bunnyman

Called The Bunnyman Massacre on DVD that I was dumb enough to buy, this was a blind buy that didn’t turn out as well a lot of the recent films I’ve seen. This film started out by annoying me and it never improved after that. It is poorly written and directed by the same man who it turns out is also the Bunnyman Carl Lindbergh.

Six dumb asses are in a car driving somewhere that’s never stated from somewhere else that’s never mentioned. They overtake an ugly ancient truck and the driver honks at them and overtakes them. He lets them pass him again then he starts smacking into their rear bumper. They don’t know what to do since clearly jamming on the accelerator and leaving the truck eating their dust is never even considered as an option. Instead they pull over and so does he, right behind them. Every time he revs his engine they crap themselves and do nothing. For hours.

Eventually the truck pisses off down the road and they wonder what to do before heading off in the same direction the truck went in. Down the road the truck is stopped halfway across the road forcing them to swerve to avoid it and go off the road and stopping. They sit in the car and bicker and do even more nothing at all and the truck drives off down the road

Bunnyman stops and gets out of the truck to take a girl out of the back of the truck do a stupid rip-off of one of the death scenes from The Hitcher, right down to actually not showing you death but cutting straight to the corpse afterwards. Then he drives back to the dumb asses. One dumb ass has got out of the car and looked at the engine. He finds some tools among the trash in the trunk and gets under the front of the car to try to fix it.  Bunnyman arrives and smacks the truck into back the car twice and leaves again. The dumb asses in the car freak out then slowly realise one dumb ass was under the car. They get and discover that he’s dead and we see a little bit of gore on the ground so we have to take their word for it.

The dumb asses go for walk up the road until they get to a road that is lined with white crosses (upside down apparently) and still keep going when they find bags of human bones hanging from trees. They come to shack which has some ugly local leering at the women. They impatiently asks for his help or a phone and he rudely tells them no. They try asking nicely and offering money but he still refuses to help. Eventually after wasting even more of our time he chases them away with a shotgun. Next they are wandering through lost through the woods and they start bickering and one woman treks off in huff. This a waste of more time since in the next scene she back with them again.

That night some woman we’ve never met is putting a body into the back of her truck. She then goes and speaks with her brother in the front of the truck who has injured his hand and then she sees the dumb asses coming towards them along the road. She tells them that she has to get her brother to hospital and will be back in 20 minutes. They try to convince to take at least one of them but she refuses and starts getting angry. Then she tells them to go wait in a shack she knows and gives them directions and promises she’ll be back in 20 minutes.

Next morning they all wake up at the side of the road. They agree to start heading for the shack where the lady that they made angry told them to go to wait for her. Then one of the women hears the sound of a mobile phone so she goes to look for it and one of the guys follows her. She finds Bunnyman sitting with dead bodies around him playing with some fake brain. The dumb ass guy following her startles her as a joke and Bunnyman spots them. He kills the woman by spraying blood all over her with a chainsaw – horrific injury once more only implied not but not shown. The guy runs like hell calling to his friends as he flees right past them, telling them to get running too.

The dumb asses get to the cabin and it turns out to Bunnyman’s place and now we’ve got a rip-off of every backwoods torture slasher film going but we don’t see the deaths on-screen they are just implied with blood. There’s a terrible rape scene with Bunnyman’s pet hunchback dry humping one of the women but it’s as unconvincing as the death scenes.

The actors were not terrible but they were very poorly written in a poorly written film. The plot is driven by one stupid choice after another by the characters and I only finished this film to see how bad it could get. It might have been an attempt at comedy but it just wasn’t funny. It is not entertainingly bad, just annoyingly bad. I recommend avoiding this one or making people you hate watch it

Rating 1/10

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Posted by on February 27, 2012 in Entertainment, Film


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Review: Cowboys and Zombies

Not at all like any cowboy in this film

This is a very cheesy film that seems to have had a name change to cash on in on the Cowboys and Aliens summer blockbuster release. It was originally called the Dead and the Damned but I think the name change suits this low-budget zombie film

We meet our hero right in the middle of a gunfight that looks as convincing as any Wild West Show. Our hero is bounty hunter Mortimer (David A. Lockhart) and he is desperate for cash ( I have to confess that Mortimer’s soft high voice did cause a giggle when I first heard it). The clerk paying him for delivering his latest catch tells him about a large bounty for an Indian (Rick Mora) who has been accused of rape and murder is wanted alive. The authorities know where he is but other bounty hunters who went after him never came back.

Mortimer heads to Jamestown, a prospecting town in the California mountains. There he finds out where the Indian is and then our hero buys a woman called Rhiannon (Camille Montgomery) from a sleazy guy selling women on the street. So far and no sign of zombies but that changes soon.

We next see a women washing herself topless outside and Jebediah is leering at her from behind some bushes. He gets caught when his father calls for help with something he has just dug up. It is a strange spherical rock with slits in its side and a glowing green core. They load it on a wheelbarrow and wheel it to Jamestown. Once the whole town has gathered round to look at the rock Jebediah’s father starts whacking it with shovel. Green spores pour out of the slits and covers everyone gathered around. Naturally it is these spores which turn people into mindless flesh-eating zombies.

Meanwhile Mortimer and Rhiannon get the top of the mountain and look down on an amazing sea of cloud stretching out below them. Mortimer ties Rhiannon to a stake in the ground as bait for the Indian, while he hides in a tree and plays with his gun before going to sleep. But the Indian is not the sex mad crazy we’d been led to believe and he sneaks down, steals the bullets from the gun of the sleeping dweeb and cuts Rhiannon free with his axe. After a fist fight which Mortimer only wins by pulling a dinky little girly Derringer from his boot the Indian gets captured.

You can guess that it’s not too long before they all have to work together when they discover that woods are full of zombies. One thing the two men don’t do very well is keeping the unarmed Rhiannon safe from harm and every time Rhiannon is left on her own she gets attacked by a zombie. Mortimer may express guilt about putting her in danger but that doesn’t mean he does anything useful about it. There is one part were they get back to Jamestown and they make themselves safe inside the saloon because the windows have been boarded up. While that is true they seem to neglect that the saloon has saloon doors which don‘t do much to stop zombies. There’s a German bounty hunter prowling around the area too but he does nothing useful and his character just seemed pointless.

The film is not totally terrible but it is full of lazy clichés. It’s watchable if you think you can bear another low-budget zombie film.

Rating 5/10


Posted by on August 9, 2011 in Entertainment, Film


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Film Review: Hybrid

 A killer car film  or maybe it’s a creature feature

Synopsis  a car prowls the streets of Chicago hunting humans when it gets smashed up in a collision with another car. It is towed to the 29th district garage where the staff quickly realise the car is alive and it is hunting them all down.

This film is really not very good. The basic idea may work on paper but it is still basically stupid. Anyone with any training in biology may have to be restrained from attacking the screen when they hear the rubbish theories by the characters when they are trying to figure out what the car is. Maybe that was actually a subtle joke about poor educational standards.

The film is fairly tedious with lots of running around and driving cars about in the garage. The killings are fairly tame and bloodless and most came about from script induced acts of stupidity.The padding is quite obvious when the car, which can change to look like any car, keeps doing this even when no-one comes near it to see it

I didn’t really care about the characters. Oded Fehr‘s character Ray is so incredibly stupid and he’s written that way to ensure that a weak idea for 30 minute short is padded out into a full length feature film. The main protagonist Tilda, played by Shannon Beckner, annoyed me lot. The actors are okay but they are playing poorly written characters.

CGI plays a big part in this film but it really lacks credibility or imagination and instead looks like just another bland spectacle more suited to a derivative first-person-shooter game.

I don’t really now who this would appeal to because it really didn’t appeal to me.

rating 3/10

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Posted by on June 27, 2011 in Entertainment, Film


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